It is vital for couples considering divorce to consider many factors beforehand. The emotional anxiety can make it difficult to think clearly, and this will cause you to struggle to reach a final conclusion.
For some, a relationship counsellor may come in handy to help you examine all of your options carefully.
How do you anticipate your life after divorce?
Many people make the mistake of thinking the grass is greener on the other side, envisioning a life of luxury, happiness and freedom without carefully weighing out all of their options.
Divorce does not make all of your problems disappear; in fact, it raises a lot more issues than expected for most people. There are many negative consequences to getting a divorce, so it is important to analyse every aspect. For example- loneliness, financial and custody issues being the most common. If you find yourself thinking only of how much better your life will be without your partner, consider your expectations. Ponder the negatives and keep in mind your life will not automatically be happier.
What is your motivation?
The majority of the time, divorce is a permanent solution to a reasonably temporary problem, make sure you don't lose your love before seeking help.
Remember a lot of couples are forever linked by their children. The divorcing of two parents can often be quite difficult for the children.
Unfortunately, a lot of motivation for divorce results from one spouse having feelings for somebody else. If you are daydreaming about how different your life would be with somebody else it is impracticable to make a logical decision.
What is your role in the marital problems?
Issues within marriage are rarely just one person's fault, so do not blame your spouse or yourself solely for all the problems. Take a breath, step back and examine the role you play, if you have not yet determined what you could do differently, do not get divorced just yet.
If you genuinely have identified your role in the difficulties, take a look at what you are going to do about it. If you feel there is no resolution, wait a month or two, and if things don't improve, it may be time to say goodbye.
Can counselling help?
A lot of people make the mistake of divorcing without ever seeking help, reasons for this include:
- A belief that help will not work
- Lack of desire to put in the effort
- Belief the marriage is too damaged
Counselling can also help if only one spouse wants to participate as changes in one person can make a huge difference in a marriage. If the relationship ultimately fails, counselling can help manage the grief of divorce and the changes that go along with it. If you need some assistance processing the grief of a divorce, contact me today.
